So my anxiety has been rearing it’s ugly head again.  I’m starting to try and find ways to get out of things  because I don’t want to feel the uncomfortableness of the anxiety. 

 Today I felt depressed, tired, heavy, anxious and I don’t know if it’s related to the fact that we’re getting ready to start the process of a Medication change with my daughter, the fact that I’m overweight and completely out of shape, lack of sleep, the weather, or maybe a combination of all.

I feel stupid really?  I have this extreme fear of dying, yet I’ve had anxiety for 10 years and have yet to die from it.  It’s like I’m waiting for it to happen so I can say AH HA I told you it would kill me.   The question is how do I get away from the fear?  How do I feel comfortable in my own skin again?  Aaaaaaarrrrgghhh!  I find myself avoiding situations that make me feel uncomfortable, I find that I’ve become way to in tune with every little twitch my body makes and I way over analyze all of them.  I don’t want to quit everything that I do, I want to challenge myself but sometimes it’s so hard to get past the physical feelings of the anxiety. 

It’s hard when my husband and family don’t understand it and sometimes it puts a strain on my relationships with them because I don’t say how I’m actually feeling, I make excuses or I beat around the bush because I’m afraid of what they’ll think or the opinions they’ll form.  Crazy huh?  Ach well I’ll keep chugging on and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.