So he who does not wear spandex, but may have occasionally used guy liner back in the 80’s (giggle) has tagged me in a Meme. Yes Gary from Him From Up North started a meme inspired by the song Daughters by John C. Mayer. 

 Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too…

In this meme he has three questions for me to answer so here goes…

If you are a daughter, what did you learn from your father or mother, positive and negative? 

Well truth be told Gary my Dad wasn’t around!  Oh apart from the two years I spent in Italy with him when I was 8 or 9 (long story I’m not sure I want put into cyberspace yet).  I did yearn for a relationship with him for a long time and was quite excited to finally get in touch with him one christmas, only to have the wind knocked out of me when he hung up, mid sentence and decided it wasn’t what he wanted.  It was a terrible blow to my self-esteem and probably part of the reason I have fears of rejection and often feel not good enough!  However, I was able to derive some shred of positivity from it… I married a man who I know will always be there for our daughter!  He’s a wonderful father and I make sure he’s fully engaged in everything she does.  We also have a great relationship with my dads parents who have been wonderfully supportive and took the time to come to our wedding ten years ago! 

If you have daughters, what lessons have you passed/will you pass onto them?

I will try to answer this question without sobbing!  I have one child, a daughter, Meghan who is the most kind, gentle, loving little creature you’ll ever meet and I’m often amazed she came from me!  Meg has been living with Epilepsy since she was a month old.  Her first two years of life were difficult and spent in and out of All Children’s Hospital.  My husband often felt as though he should be able to protect her, but was powerless to do so.  Me… I would replay my pregnancy and the birth over and over in my head thinking… could I have done this and maybe I should’ve done that?  

While most children her age were absorbing and learning from their environment, Meg was battling her seizure disorder and falling behind developmentally.  Not only were we first time parents, we were new to epilepsy, so we became very familiar with the term learn as you go.   Everything we could do to help her back then we did!  Above what we did at home Meg had physical, occupational, and language therapists and still has the latter two.  Luckily Meg’s seizures became well controlled with medication at about two years of age and we’ve been playing catch up ever since!  Although sometimes simple things have proven a challenge for her, she never gives up! 

 So I guess the first lesson we wanted her to learn is that she’s just as capable as any other child and can achieve anything she wants as long as she works hard at it.  Her learning disability may make the road a little longer, but if she applies herself there’s nothing she can’t do.  Since she was little we’ve always told her she’s smart, strong and brave, but it’s tough when she comes to us and says things like all the other kids can do… why can’t I?  It breaks my heart sometimes, but I have to remain stern and say you can do it, but it’s going to take practice!  I don’t want her disability to define her because she’s so much more than that!  I want her to work hard, I want her to be kind, I want her to be humble, I want her to fall in love, I want her to dream big!  I want the same things most parents want for their children.  This song always sums it up pretty well for me…

Do you see something in yourself which you recognise as an inherent (unlearned) trait from your parents?

This is another toughy!  I guess one thing I see in myself that may be an inherent trait from my mum is a willingness to help others!  I’ve always thought no matter how little you have you always have the capacity to give.  Giving comes in all different shapes and sizes, it can be as simple as showing kindness in a smile to something as big as opening your home to a stranger as Tara over at Sticky Fingers experienced on her honeymoon.  As far back as I can remember, my mum has always done things for people and it’s definitely rubbed off.  My love of animals and nature also comes from my mum!  Thanks Mum!

So there you have it!  I hope I’ve done your meme justice Gary!  I’ve been told I must tag a few people so if you have a daughter consider yourself tagged!  Oh and if you leave your link in the comment area I’ll be sure to pop over to read and leave you a comment. xx