The phone rang this morning and it got me thinking… every time my house phone rings, during the day, my heart stops and my stomach drops. Why? Because I’m always afraid it’s going to be that call, the one that tells me Meg had another seizure.
It’s been almost three years since her last seizure and inside a part of me wants to blow horns and whistles and throw gobs of confetti in the air, because I know how far she’s come, how far we’ve come as a family! It feels like everything is moving in the right direction and it is, but another part of me is guarded and doesn’t want to become complacent.
I have many, many fears when it comes to epilepsy, because it is so complex and there are no certainties. A seizure can happen at any time, without rhyme or reason and that scares me. I worry about Meg when she’s at school, in the bath, sleeping and even in the future. I worry about sunlight, water, strobe lights, videos, movies and I know when she hits puberty it may bring more seizures or (god willing) may even bring an end to them, but I can’t relax because to me relaxing is letting my guard down.
I’ve taken a lot of shit for being over protective and guarded over the years! Sometimes it’s cut me deep, but I will endure whatever because I will do whatever it takes to make sure my child is safe. Meghan is a brilliant child, a beautiful child and a child who has endured watching others succeed where she has struggled. She’s worked so hard to get to where she is today and deserves to feel excited and proud of everything she’s accomplished thus far! I’m amazed by her, in awe of her and want to shout from the roof tops how amazing she is.
So while I may seem over protective at times and I might shed the occasional tear or feel anxious about life’s uncertainties, the one thing I am sure of… is that I have an extraordinary child, an amazing child who never gives up and has a zest for life and what it can teach her. I will continue to encourage and reassure her, teach her right from wrong and wrap my arms around her when she needs it most, sometime even when she doesn’t! I will continue to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight, but most of all I will protect her, tell her how much I love her and how proud I am that she is my daughter.
I love you Meghan!
One thought on “From the heart…”
I cannot imagine what you go through worrying about the next seizure for your little girl. I was the child with epilepsy and was always awed at how strong my parents were. Epilepsy became my “disease of waiting”. Waiting for what would hopefully never arrive. The same reason you have the unsettled suspense in your life now.
I hope that Meghan never has to have another seizure. I hope you all can continue on with quiet peace.